Hearing about someone dying – no matter what the circumstances – is never easy.
On Tuesday I got a call from the MIND offices to let me know that one of my fellow Voices of Mind had taken her own life earlier this week. Although I didn’t know Becki well, and had only met her a couple of times, I was absolutely stunned by the news. http://www.mind.org.uk/news-campaigns/news/becki-luscombe#.VC0yOVcvf5y
Life is so fragile. And we don’t seem to acknowledge that until something like an illness, accident or tragedy happens to us or those around us.
Whilst talking to J and my sister this morning – I suggested that perhaps I was going through a midlife crises – wanting to make some significant changes in my life. I think this is partly because of J’s diagnosis of cancer, but also when you are surrounded by things happening to friends, family and acquaintances around you – it can be unsettling. I suppose you begin to question your own mortality, your purpose in life.
I was trying
to find a suitable quote about death – something to give me – and those who have experienced the loss of someone recently – some comfort. But nothing seemed to be right.
In fact, the quote I found – and immediately found comfort in – was about living. (See image for “Make The Ordinary Come Alive”)
For those who have lost or taken their lives – for whatever reason – we owe it to them and ourselves and those around us – to make our lives happy. To enjoy life for what it is – to marvel in the ordinary – and to enjoy the small things in life.
A waitress in the US once asked the Dalai Lama “What is the meaning of Life”?
The Dalai Lama answered immediately: “The meaning of life is happiness.”
But, what is happiness? What is it to you? And what happens when you just can’t seem to find happiness?
How difficult must it have been for Becki that she just felt unable to go on?
These and many questions are whirling around in my head.
Do you have the same questions? I’d really like to hear what you think…
I heard of Becki’s death & thought to myself “How did she die?” Nowhere was talking about how Becki died, so I knew it must be either suicide, overdose, or other accidental death from harmful behaviours. I noticed that none of the most popular mental health sites or organisations were mentioning a whisper about it, they seemed instead to be shying away from it as though there was something shameful attached to the way Becki died. It was here on your blog that I finally found an answer to the “How” question. So I would like to thank and applaud you for not being afraid to talk about how Becki died, that Becki took her own life – because to me, it feels like an injustice to not mention it. It feels insulting. I would also like to say that I am rather dismayed by our collective failure, once again, to face issues such as suicide – which is clearly still steeped in stigma and shame, even from those who claim to be against such stigma and shame. Finally and Foremost, I would like to thank Becki Luscome; a woman whom I never knew in life, whom I only ever heard of after her death – but, as a person with very confusing mental health problems myself, Becki Luscombe is someone to whom I am thankful, a person who’s life I am most thankful for. We certainly do not have enough of them to lose in this way.
Thankyou for this blog post.
Love and peace to all those affected by this most heartbreaking loss.