Understanding the Hidden Barriers to Well-Being

Healing is a journey many of us claim to desire. We long for freedom from pain, a sense of balance, and the chance to move forward. Yet, paradoxically, healing is something that many resist – often without even realizing it.

This resistance isn’t just about fear of the unknown. It’s far more complex and rooted in the deep connections between our emotions, identities, and relationships. As I’ve reflected on Caroline Myss’s book Why People Don’t Heal and How They Can, I’ve realized how these insights explain something I often see in my work: not all clients are ready – or willing – to heal.

The Hidden Fear of Healing

For many, healing feels like stepping into uncharted territory. It requires change, and change – no matter how positive – can be terrifying. Sometimes, we don’t resist healing because the illness or struggle has become a part of us. It defines how we see ourselves and, perhaps, how others see us too.

For instance, some of us might unconsciously hold onto struggles because of the attention they bring. Being unwell can create a sense of closeness with others – people check in, they care, they rally around us. The thought of losing that connection, even if it comes from a place of suffering, can be daunting.

The Comfort of Familiar Struggles

We often hear about the “comfort zone”, but what if the comfort zone is actually discomfort? Struggles – whether physical, emotional, or spiritual – can feel familiar, predictable, and even safe. They give us an anchor, a reason for why life isn’t where we want it to be. Letting go of that anchor can feel like free-falling.

Healing requires us to rewrite our stories. It asks us to move from being defined by our pain to being defined by our potential. That transition can feel exhilarating for some, but for others, it’s overwhelming. And that’s okay.

Breaking the Cycle

So, how do we step out of this cycle? It starts with awareness. We need to ask ourselves some tough questions:

• What am I afraid of losing if I heal?
• How do I define myself through my challenges?
• What might my life look like if I fully embraced change?

These aren’t easy questions to answer, but they’re vital. Healing isn’t just about removing pain – it’s about making room for something new. And while that’s scary, it’s also the most beautiful thing we can do for ourselves.

A Call to Reflection

If you’ve ever felt stuck, take a moment to reflect. Is there a part of you clinging to the familiar – even if that familiar is painful? What might happen if you gave yourself permission to step into the unknown?

Healing doesn’t mean losing who you are. It means rediscovering who you’ve always been, beneath the layers of pain and fear. It’s not a leap; it’s a series of small, brave steps.

So, I’ll leave you with this question: What’s one small step you can take today toward your healing journey?

Shalini Bhalla-Lucas is a Holistic Health and Happiness Healer with Healing Rooms in Nairobi and Nanyuki, Kenya – as well as an online practice.