These last few days have really made me question something about myself.
I’m a naturally affectionate, warm and giving person. I feel that there is no point having relationships (of any type) if you aren’t going to nurture them and give of yourself to some degree. But, trusting someone and opening up to them and giving of myself freely, doesn’t always come easily to me anymore. The loss I have had to endure over the last few years has made me more cautious and I often keep people at arm’s length. But, that is a lonely place to be. And I know how destructive loneliness can be. It kills.
So I choose to be open and giving and loving when I am nurturing relationships.
But what I also know to be true is that life is short and fragile, and if a relationship is not nurturing you or it feels toxic, end it.
However, the key here, is to be mindful of how you end it. People’s feelings are at stake. Their self-worth and self-esteem are tied up in these complex feelings too. When you have a history with someone – no matter how long or short be aware that the severing of ties can be difficult on both sides. Compassion and sensitivity are so important at this stage. Don’t just rip the plaster – the pain may just be unbearable! And as I struggled with the pain of a friendship ending this weekend I began to question whether I should be so open and giving and loving.
But, just when I needed it most, I got some wise words from an unexpected source – a new friend. He said “You had fun and enjoyed this friend’s company, so look at it for what it is, and not what it isn’t. Life just has a different path for you.” Reading that, I immediately chose to reframe how I looked at this severing of ties – a time to once again move forward with some happy memories. If a relationship has run its course, then let it go gracefully. Do not fight to keep it going if neither party is going to get anything out of it. The relationships that are meant to be will be always with you – if not physically then definitely spiritually.
And, I will continue to be the affectionate, giving person I want to be – I won’t let this ending of a friendship take that away from me.
And so, in that moment, I got my power back.